Happy Carrotian !

It's a big post, be patient and try to read the whole thing, the most important part is at the end...

So in this dream....
I was "Yours Ordinary programmer" and I joined one of the IT company in Bangalore. Funnily the name of the company was Carrot. Not sure why carrot appeared in my dream, probably something to do with my mom who used to give me a glass of carrot juice everyday I went to office.

So here I was a happy Carrotian (that's what people working were called), fresh from college, wanting to achieve something and take myself somewhere..without knowing where that somewhere is anyway :)

Carrot seemed to be good, I liked working there, the people the place everything. Then Mr Murphy striked again !! Something had to go wrong you see. The people who matter started to make policy which was both funny and didn't quite make sense to most of us POWs. Don't get it wrong I didn't mean Prisoner of War but People who Only Work !

So here was this aged gentlemen coming once in three or six months telling the POWs how Carrot need to grow more and if it does in a couple of months they will buy BeetRoot as well etc etc. It happened for a long long time and then my creative streak got over and I came up with a list of policy that could make Carrot better for both Carrot and the POWs. So here is what I wrote..funnily I remembered everything I wrote in my dream...

Hi fellow Carrotians.....

As part of the companyz vision to "GROW" and "GROW FURTHER" the following policies would do good to both the company as well as the employees to enable Carrot to reach milestones in the field of "SOFTWARE SOLUTION" and "TO CREATE EMPLOYEE DISSATISFACTION TO THE FULLEST".

POLICY 1:PAY - N - PARK

As part of Carrot's vision (which is to grow and grow older) it is hereby informed to the employees that parking facility will no longer be free in the company campus. The new parking fees will be collected from everybody except people with GRADE 4 and above (technically they should have money i guess). The parking fees are as given below:
Two Wheelers : 3.75ps/-
Four Wheelers: Rs 5. 50 Ps/-
A monthly parking pass can also be availed from the front office. The cost details are as given below
Two Wheelers : Rs 59/- ( U can save some money by availing this )
Four Wheelers: Rs 100/-

Non-Carrotians can also park their vehicles inside the premises but they will have a different fee structure as below:
Two Wheelers : Rs 10/- Per Hour
Four Wheelers: Rs 20/- Per Hour.
These coupons will be delivered to the NON-Carrotians by the employees who are in free pool (those who are not yet allotted a project) so as to utilise them also in this noble cause..

POLICY 2:REUSE OF COFFEE CUPS

After detailed analysis of the usage of coffee cups, it is come to the notice of the senior management that much of the cups used either leaks or wasted. So it is has been decided that a plastic cup will be given to every employee and he/she can drink coffee/tea/badam milk only on their respective cups and therefore helping in cost-cutting. Sharing or exchanging of cofee cups is strictly against the company policies and necessary disciplinary action will be taken ( Like, making the culprit drink the cofee from the wending machine).

POLICY 3:USE OF INTERNET KIOSK

The internet usage policy will further be strengthened to make it more useless for the employees . So a marginal fees of Rs 25 per hour will be collected from those who will use the internet kiosk so as to reduce the risk of the employees watching unauthorized websites.

POLICY 4: LUNCH HOURS FIXED FROM 1-2PM

It is hereby informed to the employees that lunch hours will be fixed from 1 to 2 pm and during this time all the power system to the workstations will be switched off. This is to reduce unwanted system usage at non-working hours. In case of emergency this policy can be relieved with the approval of your respective project manager.

POLICY 5: REMOVAL OF DAILY SNACKS

The snacks given on a daily basis will now be made monthly. This is to facilitate cleanliness in the cubicles and also as a gesture from our part on the health of our employee.

POLICY 6: LIFT USAGE

It is hereby informed that employees often misuse the lift by simply using it for getting to one floor above or below. Therefore lift access is now open to only those people who follow in the following criteria:

1. Grade 4 and above. (Without going into finer details they are people with a little bit more money)
2. People whose weight is above 75kg and below 35kg.

POLICY 7 : ROTATION POLICY

Not a major change has bought to this policy, just a slight modification.. "ROTATION POLICY" will now be called as "ROTATING POLICY" , from the recent happenings it is very clear that it is the policy which is rotating and not the people.

Most of my friends..oops sorry colleagues liked it and I was happy seeing how stupid my creativity was..So after a couple of days I got the same mail to my inbox..everything was right except the fact that...

someone else was credited with writing it...Then suddenly I woke up from my sleep and only did I realise...

It wasn't a dream :))