I got to do what I don't do now

Sometimes I think I shouldn't say this, or shouldn't say that. Not that what I am saying is wrong but just that for some unforeseen reason I always seem to sound quite insistent (at least to me). For some time now I have wondered whether to spit out my opinion or not and to my dismay this question seem to be occurring quite frequently now a days.

The free tips, consultations have started to slow down now and I hope to bring it to a prematurely end in the new year :) I believe "That which is free is never appreciated", so I guess the "not to anybody's use" e-mails, the "have you booked this" smses and "why don't you have a look at this" calls will stop from hereon in.

"The only constant thing is change", do I believe in this ?? Now more than ever.

On an Icy Road and In Retro mode...

Its snowed again in the UK, this time far worse than last year. It's called the "Big Freeze" and with it comes the usual Motorway congestions, train cancellations, airports at a stand still. In spite of all this here I went to London (again) this weekend.

I usually like to travel late in the night guess I am more comfortable with the dark. So I had this wonderful Indian dinner with lots of chicken curry and ready to hit the road once again. Took me around 20 minutes to clear the snow atop my car and after that I was on another nocturnal safari. Roads were Icy, not much traffic and my eternal companion to give me company (read my IPOD).

What is it about old songs, probably our facination with the past and our disturbances with memories, not clear what but there is some invisible magic in there somewhere. Something like a Gateway to your past where all thoughts just coming gushing in the mind, whether you like it or not and to add to the fun suddenly the mood to appreciate the beautiful lyrics, the artistic poetry etc etc.

As soon as I switched the Retro playlist on the IPOD it was a state of trance. I don't know much about music but whatever takes your mind off your world should be "pure" in some way or the other:) So when SPB sings "Nilaave Vaa", "Mandram Vanda" you almost want to fall in love and Kishore's "Woh Shaam Kuch Ajeeb Thi" such simple music yet makes you go crazy and then "Yeh Raatein, Yeh Mausam" so soothing and mesmerising.

A hundred miles seem like just a few,
Time stands still and frozen,
A magical pleasure and a state of ecstasy,
Music: A Gift, A miracle of unknown powers !!

Happy Carrotian !

It's a big post, be patient and try to read the whole thing, the most important part is at the end...

So in this dream....
I was "Yours Ordinary programmer" and I joined one of the IT company in Bangalore. Funnily the name of the company was Carrot. Not sure why carrot appeared in my dream, probably something to do with my mom who used to give me a glass of carrot juice everyday I went to office.

So here I was a happy Carrotian (that's what people working were called), fresh from college, wanting to achieve something and take myself somewhere..without knowing where that somewhere is anyway :)

Carrot seemed to be good, I liked working there, the people the place everything. Then Mr Murphy striked again !! Something had to go wrong you see. The people who matter started to make policy which was both funny and didn't quite make sense to most of us POWs. Don't get it wrong I didn't mean Prisoner of War but People who Only Work !

So here was this aged gentlemen coming once in three or six months telling the POWs how Carrot need to grow more and if it does in a couple of months they will buy BeetRoot as well etc etc. It happened for a long long time and then my creative streak got over and I came up with a list of policy that could make Carrot better for both Carrot and the POWs. So here is what I wrote..funnily I remembered everything I wrote in my dream...

Hi fellow Carrotians.....

As part of the companyz vision to "GROW" and "GROW FURTHER" the following policies would do good to both the company as well as the employees to enable Carrot to reach milestones in the field of "SOFTWARE SOLUTION" and "TO CREATE EMPLOYEE DISSATISFACTION TO THE FULLEST".

POLICY 1:PAY - N - PARK

As part of Carrot's vision (which is to grow and grow older) it is hereby informed to the employees that parking facility will no longer be free in the company campus. The new parking fees will be collected from everybody except people with GRADE 4 and above (technically they should have money i guess). The parking fees are as given below:
Two Wheelers : 3.75ps/-
Four Wheelers: Rs 5. 50 Ps/-
A monthly parking pass can also be availed from the front office. The cost details are as given below
Two Wheelers : Rs 59/- ( U can save some money by availing this )
Four Wheelers: Rs 100/-

Non-Carrotians can also park their vehicles inside the premises but they will have a different fee structure as below:
Two Wheelers : Rs 10/- Per Hour
Four Wheelers: Rs 20/- Per Hour.
These coupons will be delivered to the NON-Carrotians by the employees who are in free pool (those who are not yet allotted a project) so as to utilise them also in this noble cause..

POLICY 2:REUSE OF COFFEE CUPS

After detailed analysis of the usage of coffee cups, it is come to the notice of the senior management that much of the cups used either leaks or wasted. So it is has been decided that a plastic cup will be given to every employee and he/she can drink coffee/tea/badam milk only on their respective cups and therefore helping in cost-cutting. Sharing or exchanging of cofee cups is strictly against the company policies and necessary disciplinary action will be taken ( Like, making the culprit drink the cofee from the wending machine).

POLICY 3:USE OF INTERNET KIOSK

The internet usage policy will further be strengthened to make it more useless for the employees . So a marginal fees of Rs 25 per hour will be collected from those who will use the internet kiosk so as to reduce the risk of the employees watching unauthorized websites.

POLICY 4: LUNCH HOURS FIXED FROM 1-2PM

It is hereby informed to the employees that lunch hours will be fixed from 1 to 2 pm and during this time all the power system to the workstations will be switched off. This is to reduce unwanted system usage at non-working hours. In case of emergency this policy can be relieved with the approval of your respective project manager.

POLICY 5: REMOVAL OF DAILY SNACKS

The snacks given on a daily basis will now be made monthly. This is to facilitate cleanliness in the cubicles and also as a gesture from our part on the health of our employee.

POLICY 6: LIFT USAGE

It is hereby informed that employees often misuse the lift by simply using it for getting to one floor above or below. Therefore lift access is now open to only those people who follow in the following criteria:

1. Grade 4 and above. (Without going into finer details they are people with a little bit more money)
2. People whose weight is above 75kg and below 35kg.

POLICY 7 : ROTATION POLICY

Not a major change has bought to this policy, just a slight modification.. "ROTATION POLICY" will now be called as "ROTATING POLICY" , from the recent happenings it is very clear that it is the policy which is rotating and not the people.

Most of my friends..oops sorry colleagues liked it and I was happy seeing how stupid my creativity was..So after a couple of days I got the same mail to my inbox..everything was right except the fact that...

someone else was credited with writing it...Then suddenly I woke up from my sleep and only did I realise...

It wasn't a dream :))

VirundhOmbal

....in Tamil means "Hospitality".

Don't know any culture that doesn't encourage it's people not to be hospitable. Probably one of the very few things thats common amongst the trillions of cultures, race and religion. In India for instance every guests is considered a "God". Sounds pretty simple but what a wonderful principle !

Recently I had paid a visit to some of my friends. Their spouses had joined them in the U.K and this was the first time I was visiting them. The signs all pointed to a family house: the cutlery systematically arranged, the food with the desert, the tea (which always seemed to be more tasty), the hand towels always at the correct place, everything spic and span !

With the exception of my college pals this was the first time I was visiting a friends place after they were married. And to my surprise the welcome dished out made me feel very comfortable (I have had some interesting experience with people who were about to embrace the holy communion)

So many of us are so busy with work and have time for all the silly things we have kind of willingly forgot to remember the little things that count. A sweet smile @work, a heartfelt thank you for a friend or a warm welcome to your house, all this makes a difference. Makes the place we live more special, after all what is life without a little bit of people around?

In the age of "Kaam khatam Aadmi Khatam" (Once the work is done, forego your friend) Thanks Mr Suresh and Mr Bronnyl for giving me a taste of values we have been known for years and it was an immense pleasure experiencing your hospitality "The Big Fat Indian way" :)

3+ years on but unlimited memories...

Moved to a new house this Saturday so I guess its so long Boston Road. And for some insane reason I wanted to write this one from the old house, so here I am alone sitting in my room reminiscing the past and welcoming the future.

As I removed all the Godfather posters I remembered the first time I got them and my friends helping me out to have it stuck all around my room (I am never good at this). Then it was time to pack the mugs that I bought from Germany, Austria, France, Italy and so on, flashes of my Euro trip came gushing into my mind. And then there was this small teddy with "Passed" written on it that I got when I passed the driving test.

I had packed almost everything but subconsciously was aware that I had to do one last thing. The one thing I never wanted to do but knew it had to be done. I dismantled the home theatre system and as I went on disconnecting the wires I could recollect all the films I saw there, the photo albums with Hindi songs at the background, checking mails and in fact decoding live issues on a 84" screen and of course the all time 100 movies with Gaggy..

Sipping a can of Coke with pizza I stare at my blank wall, I am neither sad nor happy, but just a wierd feeling, I guess this house shall always remain some where in the corner, after all here is where I learnt all the tricks of the trade, saw strangers turn friends and funnily friends who wanted to be strangers..

Thanks to all the Bostonians.

Rakesh for his katchori, samosa, Kishore songs during cooking and our dinner sessions together
Pooja for Pudina Pulav, dhal makani, Yogurt Theory, "Hello Mrs Jones" and our dinner sessions together
Sowmya for the daily breakfast, afternoon lunch, our dinner sessions together and so much more
Suresh for his amazing Rasam, Tamil songs in the morning and trying to get me gyming
Lohith for his huli saaru, company to MANU matches and our films together (Andaz apna apna)
Sangeetha for raagi muddes and jolada rottis and calling "SRIDHAAAAR dinner is ready"
Gaggy for our AFI top 100 together, PS3...
Ashok for football matches, our cricket matches together and your morning tea
Vinith for our Immigration discussions, Man U matches and giving me company during my work from home...
Cheta for telling no everytime, comfortability theory and for giving me nice company...
Meera for your dishes which you always think you sussed it and for me writing this memoir in the first place :)

And finally a toast to 9 Boston Road

For being my first house in the UK, being the home away from home and teaching me things about life, people and many other things ;-)

The feeling of being heard !

I am the kind of a guy you would not want to meet whilst at work. Firstly because I ask a lot of questions and secondly I don't sit quiet if I don't get any answers. So I haven't had it good whenever I pay a visit to a Government office in Bangalore.

Some years back mum had sent me to enquire about the water bill we received (we were charged around 3500 rupees instead of around 120 which was norm at that point). I politely went into the billing section and after playing musical chair in there finally got to the guy who was supposed to look into it. The first thing he spoke was "Its because you used so much of water" the tone of the reply best not described here. He was an elderly looking man so gave him all the respect his age deserved and requested him to look into our past bills and there he was telling me its not his job and making fun of me in front of all his colleagues. Now he had done it and I pulled a chair told him I was not leaving until he corrects it. After around an hour it was all sorted out (I am not going into finer details since it doesn't make pleasant reading)

Then it was taking a Demand Draft in the State Bank of India and the aunty at the counter was so busy discussing her daily routine that she accidentally forgot there were people at her counter. So I went over and told her that there are people waiting to which she responded "So What". I made sure she never talked about her daily escapades again @ work.

I think if you need things to change you got to take the initiative however stupid you might look in front of others.

Recently I wrote to my local MP in Bristol regarding some issues I wanted to raise. On a bigger canvas it was neither a burning issue nor was it something very important. But it was an idea, an opinion to improve something around you.  I had a lot of satisfaction when I mailed the letter, I didn't hope anything will come out of it, but I had played my part, I had made myself heard.

FAST FORWARD 8-9 DAYS

I received a letter from the House of Commons thanking for my suggestion and that they will look into it. It was personally signed by my MP with the parliament stamp on it. It felt good, it always feels good if you are heard ! It made a difference to me and I am now going to continue troubling "those who matter" :)

Congrats Ma & Pa

Something to celebrate today. It all began yesterday night after my extended working hours followed by dinner followed by watching the Rooney saga on TV (thank God he didn't leave MANU) it was around 1 in the night (5:30 in India). So naturally ended up having an extended night out and wished my parents around 3AM.

Now why is this so important, I have never been quite good (dismal might be the right word) in remembering birthdays and anniversaries. So for a change wishing them was quite nice in the end. Now I must tell you that the emotional quotient of my parents and sisters are like this flower (don't remember the name) that blossoms once every 12 years or so. I am not implying that they aren't emotional its just that they don't show it outwardly. For example I gave a suprise visit on my mum's birthday earlier this year. Around midnight when I did appear before her she calmly let me inside the house and asked me if I had dinner :-) Now what made her think that I could starve until midnight without having dinner I never know ? Anyway she quietly confided that she was indeed very very happy and I kind of understood it..that's how everything is in my house:measured and controlled.

Now to today's story, I gave a call spoke to my ma first wished her and then to pa, incidentally it was his birthday too ! I suggested dad that he take mum out somewhere today other than a temple of course coz I wouldn't be surprised if dad would have paid a quick visit already.

At the end just spoke to ma, I kind of always do, I need to speak to her at the end (gives me that happy ever after feeling) and this is what she spoke as we signed off and I quote "Happy you called and make sure you have your breakfast" :) NOW WHAT WILL THE WORLD DO WITHOUT A MOTHER ?

congrats ma and pa for 30+ years of marriage. I am not that good with showing my emotions either..anyways...proud to have parents like you and thanks for all the wonderful gifts life has brought us through you and your values.

Love U..

24 Hours !!

So what would I do if I was told that after today the most important thing to me and my life is unattainable for the rest of my life. I guess after the initial (albeit usual) human emotions like anger, pity, sympathy, empathy I kind of came to a logical and definite conclusion on how I would react. I will live out that 24 hours as if there was no tomorrow. That's how life is, you don't get what you want coz if it does, then the whole game becomes too boring.

So I guess we got to get over it and move on with our life but then is that so simple ? Is it really easy to pretend nothing ever happened and that the one thing you most wanted in life is now not yours forever, may be it is !!

A day, again, passes into oblivion,
So did a month and so did a year,
All those old times I wish to forget,
Yet so colourful and stronger they get.
What use is all these pictures in my mind ?
When all I want is to tear them apart.
I see the boulevard lined by my memories,
On it, I walk, every day every night,
Not laughing, not crying, just like a ghost,
Wanting to forget what I cherish the most.

Then comes a break of dawn,
Bringing with it the wisdom that shone,
Memories are there not to be forgotten,
As I see how stronger I have gotten,
For each one have a story to tell,
To remind me of my courage - when I fell.
Now I want to frame the pictures in my mind,
But into the future I look and smile!

I venture out, for a new light and shade,
Radiance of this dawn, so soon begins to fade,
As the shades get dark so do my thoughts,
The lonely nights forever break my might,
The tears and smile come back to haunt,
So hard to grasp the will of the world,
The craving, the pain and the sadness of 'today',
Outlives the happiness and smile of 'yesterday',
I never knew then and never will I now,
What you were to me, and I to you,
Places too far in search of a wish I go,
The one wish that is, never to dream,
Since all my dreams lead to you,
Staring into your eyes I want to ask,
Why did the you and the me,
Never did ever become the "us".

My heart everyday told me something,
A happy ever after kind of a story,
I hold your hand and time stands frozen,
Just as I begin to dream the years of love,
There you were with that fatal smile,
Waiting to tell me an unexpected Goodbye,
Whose making was it, I never will know,
You were so close but yet miles apart,
I never cried and I never will,
Your memories and time may forever haunt,
But my heart shall not explode for a while,
For I know a truth that shall always be true,
In all the lands far and wide,
There is none before and none from now,
Who can think of you the way I do.

PS: The second stanza was written by my pal in response to my first stanza. My response in the third !

Keeping it simple !

One thing that amazes me about man is his insatiable capacity to make his life complex. Giving it a more thought I guess its not our fault really since this attitude was something of a gift presented down one generation after the other. If only Eve would have just resisted from having that one little apple, life would have been so simple, no pains no gains everyone living happily ever after, but then she had to eat it and the rest is history.

We are so inadept at keeping our lives simple sometimes I get embrassed to hear evolutionists calling man the most developed of living creatures, but then who am I to question the rationale of grey haired, moon glassed spectacled science professors in the cosy realms of their lab and so far from reality.

From the very basic to the most inconsequential the obsession to get it "socially right" is so high that after a while our mind becomes a vending machine churning out standard responses to keep us in the good books. Is it so important to be in good terms with everyone ? After all who are these everyone friends, family, colleagues but then all these relationships come with an expiry date isn't it ?

Friends..until you are useful to each other
Family..until you are yourself
colleagues..until you leave the present job

Then why so much of effort to be right all the time. Why can't we just look at somebody in the face and tell what we think of them ? Or why not the guts to go to your boss and tell what's wrong with him or the company ? or why not go to your friend and tell what exactly you think of him.

It can make life so easy ain't it ? For one you don't have to keep up any expectations since there will be nothing expected out of you in the first place. And then you can go about your life more selfishly than ever before. Being openly self-centered is still keeping things simple ! But then what is life without a little bit of cat and mouse and lot of spice ?

I hear my mobile ringing, oh it's this guy who calls me only when he wants anything from me, but again I can't get pissed off and speak politely (keeping it simple yeah :-))

June 2010: As it happened !

Hmm end of June and lots of stuffs that happened. Some of which I can write and most of them..hmm I better not talk about.

1. To Scotland and back

Been to Scotland (read once again) with my parents and Junaith. Awesome trip (all Scotland trips are) and my dad and ma really loved it. It all started from a flight from Bristol to Edinburgh and the idea was to hire a car in Scotland. It was a holiday weekend and surprisingly I spent more time to check in my baggage at the airport than the time to reach Scotland..courtesy budget airlines.

Serene mountains, valleys, fresh air, long drives and old songs, I love my life ! Lots of things to cherish, Isle of Skye, the underwater cruise, the Nepalese Restaurant in Edinburgh and of course Junaith and his phone :-)


2. Back to the unwanted..

Second week of June. A hectic Monday morning, came back home and knocked at the door, no answer. Realised that I had a spare key with me so just let myself in (I was doing this after 2 months). I was very tired and just threw myself on the sofa in the living room and I expected a hot tea to rejuvenate my mind and body but THERE WAS NO TEA. I went over to the kitchen to see if there was something to eat, the unwashed vessels and the messy dining table were staring at me as if I was their long lost love..

FLASH BACK....

First week of May I returned back from office and by the time I reached the door, my mum was there with a beautiful smile of hers. I just threw myself on the sofa and I was served with the most refreshing tea one could ever have and that colour, that distinct pinkish colour of my ma's tea. I went to the kitchen to find no unwashed vessels at the basin, dining table spic and span and befit to welcome royalty and the smell of mouth watering South Indian dishes all the time, the spices, milk, lentils, rice everything neatly stored into containers with names on them.

Yep, my parents left to India at the start of the month. How I hope a day could be longer as a week, a week longer as a month. But the fact of the matter is I am back to the world of cornflakes, oats and anything that fits in the "fills you up" category.

Mr Sridhar Ramakrishnan, welcome to the real world :-(

When Sridhar was at school

I had this obsession to be the person who submitted the most number of articles in the school magazine. To be frank I rarely succeeded.

It used to start with a notice to submit your writings by a certain date. Then the ruckus at home where I used to pester my dad to give me topics to write an essay (choosing topics was never my thing) and then my sister would interrupt telling "Its your article so you do everything" and my Ma would come from the kitchen telling "He's still a small boy no harm in lending a hand, after all he's just asking for ideas". Finally I would begin to scribble down stuffs most of which doesn't make sense to me but I still have the 100 pages Vidhya notebook with me and I get shocked seeing my handwriting every time I flip the pages.

So this one time when history was current affairs (I read this one liner somewhere and wanted to use it) I wanted to write a poem. A poem to me at that time was using stars, mountains and a little bit of rhyming words. So this was one of the very first. I have modified it over the years slightly making sure that the feel of that high school kid is kept the same.


GOD’S BEST CREATION

What is God’s best creation?
Is the big question.
Answers are a many,
But are they worth a penny.
Is it the towering mountains?
Clouds on them as fountains,
They are indeed, the sign of glory.
Or is it the glittering stars,
Shining with no holds barred,
They are indeed, a sign of hope.
Or is it the flowing oceans?
Kissing the land as it walks,
They are indeed, the sign of life.
Or is it the blazing sun?
With his everlasting shine,
It is indeed, the sign of passion,
Or is it the green forests?
Or is it the fluttering waves?
Or is it the bumming bees?
God’s best creation is God,
God created himself,
We see him through her,
She’s sign of warmth,
She’s sign of love,
She’s sign of everything,
With a twinkle in the eye,
And a smile that makes me fly,
Her tears are a curse to life,
Her words are pillars of hope,
She’s God’s best creation,
She’s the world’s Glitter,
She is my mother.

I guess it sounds a bit childish this one, but of all the things I have written or going to write this is pretty special.

Happy times..

Can't believe it's already four months since I posted something. Time is galloping about and not having enough time for anything. Lot of things happening during the last few days, not that I am complaining.

Was on a month long vacation to India and it seems so different every time I visit. The outpouring love and affection can't be explained. Had very little time to spend with family or friends (it happens every time) as I was held up with some silly stuffs which I would rather not talk about now.

The highlight was getting my parents back with me to the UK. It was a dream from time immemorial but it just happened now since my parents seemed to run out of any more new excuses. Had a tough time having to tell my mom to limit all the goods she intended to ship out but then she had the final say :-)

The flight journey was ok not great with the BA cabin crew strike the food was horrible but nothing seemed to deter me in this journey. I sat down explaining every thing right from telling them how to wear the seat belts to explaining them what the controls in the seat are, I think I could sense a feeling of pride in both of them :-)

It's almost two months and I am not quite sure they like it here or not but I am sure they find it very interesting. Had been to London and I can see my dad being overwhelmed by things he saw there. Being an avid reader he was so thrilled to see all the things he had read about standing right in front of him, it's a sight I am not going to forget for a pretty long time.

But the best part of course is the food. There is something about mum's cooking that is so magical and the taste so very unique. My taste buds are having a rocking time with all South Indian specialities to give company. As the day they return looms in the corner I tend to blank out my mind but with little success.

Will be visiting Scotland this long weekend and am excited to drive them around and make it as memorable as memorable could be..

Will try to write more frequently...Ta..

"The One" !

Late sunday night. The precious few hours you wish would stretch into infinity. So before I doze off thought to write about someone very special.

There are a few that come across your path who are a source of strength and you wouldn't do anything to disappoint them. My brother is one such bloke ! Our relationship is quite odd, in the sense we don't go out frequently nor do I share any secrets of mine to him but there is something comforting when he is around, everything looks so well in control and I kind of get a feeling that nothing can go wrong. I guess that's why they coined the word "Big Brother" :-)

Being the strong headed guy I am it is so difficult to change my decisions but my brother has this persona wherein he would just come and talk me straight out of it. My lot of firsts is attributed to him my first mobile, my wallet, my first formal branded shoe the list just keeps going on. Till date I have never got a wallet on my own! I remember wearing most of his dresses during college and would anticipate restlessly when he would come down to Bangalore just so that I could spend some time chatting. I still remember the first match I saw him play where he tore the opposition apart with both his bowling and batting skills and the blue shirt he wore then still lingers on.

One downside to him being this perfect son, husband, brother is that he has set a benchmark which poor souls like are supposed to follow which seems so utterly impossible. He has this uncanny way of doing all the things in his own way but without hurting or making anyone around him feel bad and I have been a nightmare in that area :-)

Of all the things it is his patience that quite strikes me. If something is going wrong he would in his own way quietly deal with it without anyone else noticing. I have never seen him shout at anyone till now (hope I don't see it ever) or willingly hurt anyone and I guess that is one of the reason success has chased him.

I guess I am pretty lucky as I need not go out looking for inspirations and such people often remind you why life is such a wonderful place to live in.

Thanks bro for everything !

Didn't miss one in Feb !!

Two things sum up my February, work and no sleep ! But no complaints enjoying every bit of it.

I guess Mr Feb thought he could just move away into oblivion ! Sorry not happening, had promised one of my friend that I shall post at least once a month. I know it's not an easy promise to keep up but as you can see I am faltering miserably.

I was watching an old English movie (don't seem to remember the name, Frank Sinatra starred in his career defining role) and there was an interesting dialogue in it. One of the character tells the hero "I am not lying that I am lonely" for which he (another guy and not Sinatra) replies "No one ever lies that they are lonely" ! So very true and it suits the scene so well !!

From movies to Sachin ! Naaah I am not going to write about his double century coz I don't want to miss out anything. A fitting tribute will be given when the great one hangs up his boots. I was reading an interesting book "Newton--The last Sorcerer" where the author gives us insights into Newton's life that involved alchemy, dark arts etc..but as I finished reading it I just scribbled something on my textpad. Generally what I write doesn't reflect on what I am thinking at that moment so naturally felt quite odd after reading it in the first place. So here it goes....


Then came a time I had to call it a day,
It was my turn to walk the road never taken,
With bundles of fear and excitement I lay,
All my near and dear ones forsaken.

It seemed to me that my last adventure,
By far would be the most memorable,
There were none to talk or none to smile,
In the chill of the night it was me and then me.

I had heard stories of the judgement day,
Never did I think I would face it so soon,
But as the age old saying goes,
All good things must come to an end.

It was my turn and I had nowhere to run,
I had to face Him, for good or for the worse,
Was I fair, was I bad, was my life worthwhile,
Some of the few questions that took turns in my head.

Had I hurt someone who forever loved me,
Was I, a disappointment for people who trusted,
Such a pity that all these thoughts,
Never did come when it mattered the most.

With darkness engulfing me all around,
Flying was I, to the highest of high,
With whatever little time I now had,
I thought, I wondered of my life below.

As I flipped through the pages of time,
The memories, the thoughts came gushing by,
A slow but gradual feeling seemed to sink,
My time might have been, worthwhile after all.

A temper so short, that doesn’t make me proud,
But Indifference and lies is what I couldn’t bear,
Is it so difficult to speak out your mind?
Believed in my values, and for the rest I didn’t care.

I did not know to utter sweet and tender words,
Nor did I believe in what they now call Love,
But In the long and timeless journey of mine,
There is none, I ever could hate for life.

Life is but a bundle of good and the bad,
Deep inside my heart I do know,
Never did I fail to regret a mistake,
Nor could I be untrue to myself,
As timeless and ageless the memories seemed to last,
I heard an invisible voice uttering some words,
Who it was, till today, I do not know,
All I could hear was these few little verse.

To regret a wrong, is not a mistake,
To utter the truth, not a weakness,
A bigger heart, is not the one who always loves,
But the one who never hates !!
.

Work..that's all for now !

Another hectic week! I think that's why they are called deadlines. You almost die by the time you cross the line. In spite of this, here I am trying to write something sensible before I brace myself to another late night work!

The past month or so has been quite different. For one I have been stuck in this vicious and never ending cycle of coding, testing, bugs etc then re-coding, re-testing and bugs again. But apart from work, of late I seem to have lots of time for myself which is kind of nice once in a while. I have judiciously grabbed the opportunity to rekindle my old romance, the only love of my life...BOOKS...my favourite past time which seemed to have taken a sabbatical for reasons unknown.

Reading some of Oscar Wilde's work and I must say experiencing pure literary magic. Just read "NIGHTINGALE AND THE ROSE". An interesting short story! Not sure how he manages to express such deep expressions of love, disappointment with simple words. Genius at work !

Hmm..from deadlines to Oscar Wilde..my thoughts seem to be dancing like a pendulum. My laptop is already reminding me of the huge list of things I got to do and all I can think of now is:

"The one thing I don't want to do badly now is the only thing I have to do by tommorrow !"

Oddities in 2009 !

Not sure if the word oddity exist, but taken the liberty any ways! The end of the year and a beginning of a new one is a time for self reflection. Mostly its not a conscious feeling. Me for one have never given thought of what happened during the course of the year but somehow wanted to write about 3 odd things that occured during the last year.

1: Modern Teleportation!
The scientific definition of "Teleportation" is disapperances and appearances of anomolies basically science of disappearing and appearing instantaneously. We have not quite managed to master this field and as of today it is scientifically impossible to teleport humans.

But this year I witnessed the modern teleportation techniques. People being in two places at the same time. There was no hi-fi technology or any hardware costs. You can be in office during the weekend as well as in the movie watching the unwatchable or be at home sick as well as in McD's enjoying a hot burger, from having lunch with a friend who never existed...All it takes is a foxy mind, a bluntly told lie and an audience dumb as a dimbo..easy ain't it...

2: Come let's Recycle!
Everyone was pitching for last year with the environment summit in Cophenhagen etc etc and the "blokes" here didn't want to be left far behind. In fact, the zeal was so much so that their half drunk coffee was religiously offered to another friend as if it were just freshly brewed from Brazil. Little did the hero of our story know that he was part of a scientific research on recycling. Anyways he showered nice adjectives at the recycling scientist and left the place happy and contented.
To the hero: Don't trust anybody dude !
To the scientist: Grow up kiddo !

3: From dish washer to Super cook !
I must confess that a couple of years back my culinary skills were limited and being the gourmet that I am was a bit worried about the future of my belly. Luckily I had some great house mates and was taken care of in a way that befits a Royal ! However over the past few months I have seen the gradual rise of the unknown soldier. All my hidden talents gushing to all parts of my brain..and there I was, the new "ME" from the realms of "dish washing" to "super cooking". With a wee bit of liberty I think I have kind of got a hang of things now and guys who are out there back home, whenever you come, there's a big shock awaiting your way !

However mutton curry, mutton biriyani,Dal Makhani and Avial will never be cooked as a mark of respect to Vineet, Junaith, Pooja and Sowmya respectively...Cullinary Ethics you see :-)

There is something about winter !

Have been busy with loads of work and I guess that is a good enough excuse for not penning down something for so long. Of late, whatever I think or do my thoughts just keep dragging me to the horrendous weather we have had for a couple of weeks here and it seems that I am having an involuntary fixation over it.

Officially it has been one of the most terrible winter out here for a long time, temperatures hovering around -2 to -3 and after all the initial excitement of snow fall it was time to brace ourselves to the chaos that followed. Initially not going to office was kind of a luxury but as days went by you just wanted to get out of the house, feel some fresh and warm air. A classic example to prove my philosophy "too much of good is bad" :-)

I call the English winter the 3 Ds..Dark, Depressing and Dull and gives me a feeling as if Lord Voldemort has taken over the muggle kingdom. And I must confess that I am quite surprised by the way we get influenced by it both in thoughts and actions. The advice you get from seasoned campaigners who have seen a lot of winters out here is to complete all things important before winter (read job hunting, Europe trips etc etc) and the logic behind is that your brain kind of goes into hibernation probably coz "There is something about winter" !

Plans change so dramatically, from wanting to work for many years in the UK to going back home and settling down..from not marrying for the next 2 to 3 years to getting married within a couple of months... It is purely inexplicable logic probably coz "There is something about winter" !

And then there is the perennial boy-girl courtships which become stronger at the onset of winter. Lonely guys who don't have their own vehicles go to office by bus and romance the cold winds before even beginning their morning work. Can't quite say that about the girls though, being the big hearted species we boys are, no one wants to lose a chance to become a brother/friend/companion to all those lonely girls out there. India is shining, Growth percentage of India is consistently above 8% but our Mr Lonely guy still goes to office by bus standing in an overcrowded bus stop, alas if only there were sisters and female friends with cars ! But I guess this is will of nature or should I say "There is something about winter" !

In a couple of days another weekend will pass by and my arch nemesis Mr Monday is getting all set to confront me. But strangely I am not too perturbed this time probably coz I have kind of made my peace with Mr.Monday or probably coz "There is something about winter" !

Here comes the snow (once again) !

I can't quite understand our infactuation with snow and I guess its probably due to the fact that we are not embraced by it back home. Nevertheless news of snowfall generally excites us and why not ? After all who would miss the chance to hit the streets, play like a kindergarden kid, pelting snow balls at one another,skipping office and having hot snacks at home.

It was sometime Feb last year and all the news channels were going beserk with severe weather warnings. You generally get to hear phrases likes "This is the coldest day of the year", "The worst weather in 10 years", "Its gonna snow first time in UK after so many years" so on and so forth. As the rate of predictions grew gradually from every day to every hour our anticipation increased too. It was around 7 or 8 in the night when I caught the first glimpse of bits of ice dancing down from the skies. Within a few minutes there was happiness and excitement everywhere and I could see many people dancing out in the streets.

The next morning I woke up and went towards my window which gives an amazing view of the entire street. It was as if someone has painted white everywhere, the cars, the driveways, the trees each one of them had all been given a shower.But no the fun didn't end here.We couldn't drive till the office so me, Sowmya, Junaith, Vineet, Ashok, Prashanth started to play on the streets. It was quite funny actually to see grown up software professionals dressing up each other in snow and after 10 to 15 minutes the cars in and around us were stripped off their white coat..




Junaith's less than impressive aims, Ashok's perfect cricket throws and Sowmya recording all our misadventures was a memorable sight. As usual Prashanth Shivashimpi took some time to choose and wear the perfect costume for the occassion, but he came out nonetheless. As we were enthralled in the snow fight, I could see Nandeesh and Pooja coming towards us and they had plans of going to office. I am not sure if one could be so dutiful :-) But being who we are, we made sure that both of them didn't land up in office for the next couple of hours and Nandeesh's hair was shampooed in snow and Pooja's face was religiously pampered with a cold white face mask..
All in all it was one of the highlights of last year...

Fast forward...Its January 2010...And I heard the same news yesterday .."Worst weather in 60 years". Severe weather warnings!And yes it did snow overnight. I went for a walk around 4 in the morning and I still can't believe I actually did this ? I woke up early morning but this time I didn't feel like watching through the window. After a while when I did look outside it was more beautiful, it had snowed more heavily this time. But as I gazed on the view before me I didn't feel that excitement and I am not sure why ?

I can't say I missed them,
Nor can I say I wished they would be here,
But something in me didn't let me to enjoy the snowfall this time...

As every day passes by,
Thoughts and feelings seem to fly.
I realize you won’t be so nearby,
With me, to laugh, or to cry.